Sunday, January 25, 2015

Open letter to President Zuma to pardon Eugene de Kock

Sunday, 25 January 2015
For Attention:  President Jacob Zuma
The Presidency
Pretoria
Email:  presidentRSA@po.gov.za

Your Excellency

REQUEST FOR PRESIDENTIAL PAROLE FOR EUGENE DE KOCK

We beg for a Presidential Pardon for Eugene de Kock, solely on humanitarian grounds. We are not excusing his actions, nor do we use it as motivation for a pardon. De Kock pleaded guilty on all the charges against him. He showed remorse and begged the affected families for their forgiveness, which he received from all but one. He accepted his punishment like a man of integrity and is not a danger to anyone in society.  We believe that a pardon will not only allow de Kock to live  his old age as a free man, but will also be able to contribute positively to the healing process of all South Africans which is absolutely necessary  for the prosperity of all who call SA home.  We further believe that such a pardon from the President will cement his prestige as world statesman.    This would be an act of humanity, from the heart of a great man and warrior.
While due process is taking place regarding Eugene de Kock’s parole, you are the only person who can set him truly free with a Presidential Pardon.   As Mandela himself said, there is no such thing as half-free.  You are either free or you are not.  Parole with conditions is half-free.
For the love of justice, compassion, forgiveness and for reconciliation of our land, I beg you to consider a Presidential Pardon for him.
Yours truly,

Dianne Lang 

Whoa!!! Mothers-in-law also have a story!!

The evil mother-in-law 


There are so many jokes about mothers-in-law, all of them sarcastically clever, biting and mean.  Oh, so not true.  

The stereo-type of the evil mother-in-law (MIL) puts all MIL’s into the evil pot.  That, therefore, puts all daughters-in-law (DIL) into the ‘never is at fault and constantly perfect’ pot.  Oh, so not true.

I have been a MIL to a son-in-law (SIL) and apart from a few arguments early on in my daughter’s marriage; I have always been treated with respect.  I respect him as the head of his home and the boundaries are clear.  I do not offer advice unless I am asked; and after 16 years of my SIL being in my life, I can honestly say that I love him with all my heart.  The greatest compliment I received from my SIL is that I am the reason for the wonderful wife he has.  

I never really thought about the relationship between MIL’s and DIL’s, until I became a MIL to a DIL.   Over the last seven years, I have spent, not hours, but days and weeks trying to understand my DIL and trying to find a middle road where we can both walk; where my son does not have to feel torn between two women.  Now, I am not only a MIL, but I am also a grandmother (GM), the distance between us has widened.   Every angle, every attempt to narrow the divide has been to no avail. 

Eventually I decided that enough is enough.  I know that it takes two to tango, so I began to research the relationships between MIL’s and DIL’s to see if there is something that I can do to make my feet dance in time to hers, so that neither of us step on one another’s toes or feelings.  I owe this much to my son.

My research has come up with the following five biggest mistakes a MIL can make.

1.      Assuming your DIL wants your advice.  From all the research, I have found that the biggest problem in all friction between MIL’s and DIL’s is unsolicited advice.  Not guilty!
2.     Thinking the mother-son relationship will not change after his marriage.  Guilty!  I have had to find a new mode of access to him and a new way of communicating.  I know that my role as mother has become redundant.  He is now a husband and a father.
3.     Offering to help out with housework or disciplining children.  Not guilty!
4.     Trying too hard to be nice.   Guilty as charged!  I have tried and tried and tried not to be the evil MIL; and always to say or do the right and proper thing. 
5.     Criticizing your daughter-in-law to your son.  Guilty!  Early in the relationship I would ask my son, “Why does DIL not smile or speak?” or “Is there something wrong with DIL because she seems so angry?”   In the last three years, I have stopped mentioning her name because no matter how innocent the question or comment, my son becomes defensive.  Criticising the DIL to your son is extremely damaging because he may bring up the topic with the DIL and she will feel even more resentful towards the MIL.  Unsolicited praise of the DIL by my son has become part of almost every conversation we have.
Research finds that the five biggest mistakes daughters-in-law make are:
1.   Being over-sensitive.   DIL’s can be very sensitive to anything their MILS say  
2. Taking a confrontational stand too quickly.  This does not happen with DIL because she does not talk to me.
3.  Expecting equal treatment.  DIL’s expect the MIL to take as much care about her career as she does her son.    
4.  Letting things slide at the start.   If you find that your MIL is interfering too much, or visiting too often, or offering too much advice, don't put off talking to her about it.  Set limits.   Bad habits become ingrained quickly. 
5.  Failing to put yourself in her shoes. A MIL is also a person with feelings and opinions.  To reassure her that she is a respected and important part of the family would go a long way to making life happier for all.
I used to think that daughters-in-law were the ones with the in-law problems and stories.  But, mothers-in-law have their share of stories too.   I have asked some of my friends who have daughters-in-law; most appreciate their DIL’s but a few have DIL’s from hell.   From asking others about their DIL experiences, I have come to the conclusion that there are a few things that I would love my daughter-in-law (and son) to know.
1.  Although my relationship with my son has changed, remember that I am still his mother. 
“Even though you are the woman in my son’s life now, be considerate of the fact that I used to be the woman in his life.  The most important thing you can do for me is to love my son unconditionally”.
2. Accept me for who I am.
“Accept my eccentricities and who I am.  You cannot ask a tiger why he is a tiger.  I am who I am.  It is my nature.    Make allowances for my illness.  Don’t use it as an excuse to stay away.
3. Please respect my age and experience.
 “It would really be nice if you could use a name when you speak to me and greet me when you see me.  A goodbye when you leave would also be nice.  I am not the enemy.  I could be a very good support system for when you need it”.  
4. Talk with me about hard things.
“If I have offended you, I may not know this. You have the freedom tell me what I have done if I have offended you.  Let’s both assume that the other is doing the best she can.  Don’t hold on to things from the past.  What is done is done and cannot be undone.  So let us not harbour resentment or guilt but move forward into a brighter future for the benefit of us all.  Children can have more than one grandmother, and they can also have wonderful relationships with both”.  
5. Remember, we are family.
 “Please include me in some of the family activities and traditions.” 
6. Communicate with me.
 “I wish I could pick up the phone and call you just to chat.”
7. Get to know me as a person.
“I am a person with feelings, passions and ideas. They are not just an extension of the man you married. Don’t compare me to your mother.  I don’t want to be your mother.  I only want us to feel comfortable and safe in one another’s company.  Try to understand me by putting yourself in my shoes.”
8. Express expectations clearly.
 “Please don’t interpret my desire to be helpful as criticism of you. I do not intend this.  It would help if you would tell me the best ways that I could help you.”

9. Help me know my grandchild.
Let us try to find different ways for me to get to know who my grandchild is.” 
10. Thank you!
 “You truly are the wind beneath my son’s sails, and one of the best mother’s I have ever known.  I really appreciate you for that”.
Most mothers- in-law want to connect with their daughter-in-law.  They want to find common ground. They want to know the DIL as an individual woman with feelings, beliefs, and ideas.  Even if it takes years, most MIL’s and DIL’s eventually do learn to love one another.   I want my DIL and I to appreciate one another, enjoy being together, and with time, to truly love each other.  I want our relationship to grow to the point where our emotional deposits into one another are equal.  I want to feel part of the family.   Please don’t shut me out. 




Thursday, January 22, 2015

The miracle surrounding Eugene de Kock

Ordinary South Africans are showing, once again, the miracle of standing together for the purpose of one goal. 

 Come and join us ... see what it is like to be in a large group of completely diverse people, from every culture, creed, country and race ... where everyone speaks in harmony about compassion and a shared humanity.    The link is at the bottom of the page. 

 This group has the greatest number of members of the SAPS, SADF, National Intelligence, SANDF, Correctional Services ... spies, double agents, and enemies on both sides of the struggle and from both the previous and current governments.   

The miracle here is that we can stand together, united by compassion. Eugene de Kock pleaded guilty, he has asked forgiveness, he is (as we all are) a product of the system in which we lived, and he has stated numerous times that apartheid was wrong.    He has been forgiven by the families of the victims; he has served his time with humility and integrity.  He was a foot soldier as were the thousands of young men and the few women who were involved in the struggle for freedom and those who were put in place to maintain the apartheid system.   It is not justice to allow one man to pay for the crimes of an entire government.  If one man was punished, then all should have been punished.  If one man was freed, then all should have been freed.  The irony of this is that the ANC negotiated every single political prisoner out of prison while the NP sent one of their own to pay for their crimes while they walked away with fat pensions and freedom, telling lies all the way that they knew nothing of Vlakplaas.   Keeping this man in prison serves no purpose.  He is not a threat to society.   There are thousands of compassionate reasons to free him, the most important one being that our nation will be freed from the shackles of revenge.  

 Join us by clicking on the following link or copying and pasting the link into your browser: 

 https://www.facebook.com/groups/111601898698/permalink/10153033482218699/

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014 was a very shit year!!

The last day of 2014 … I have been sitting here and pondering on the past year and the new one ahead.  Did I do everything I possibly could to make those who care about me know that I appreciate and love them.  Yes!  Have I done everything possible for the freedom of Eugene de Kock this year?  Yes!  Have I done all I can to find a cure for my rare illness?  Yes!  Have I done as much as I could to help those who are worse off than me?  Yes!  Have I been the change that I want to see in the world?  Most the time!

I got the moer-in a couple of times, lost my temper, got impatient, frustrated and irritated.  I fought with myself, got angry with my situation and often felt despair.  Too much time spent on being angry with fools.   Too much time wasted in worry and stress.   Too much time wasted in trying to house train an untrainable husband. Too many times I felt like giving up…too many times I wanted to take the easy way out by committing suicide.  Too many days wasted in pain, in hospital or sleeping.  Too much wasted time! 

Tomorrow beings a New Year and I need new challenges.  I know that Eugene de Kock will be freed this year.  Call it intuition, inside info or just a gut feeling…he will be freed in 2015.  Once we have a Presidential Pardon for Eugene (not just a parole), my job is over.  I will have to work harder at being the change I want to see in the world, but I also have to find another passion that is bigger than who I am, so I can feel worthy to live and be in this beautiful world.   I have spent days thinking about what I can do that will light the fire of passion in my soul after Eugene is free. 

John Costello, a FB friend, gave me an idea – about sharing what it is like to be debilitating(ly), chronically ill with a rare disease, so that others don’t feel alone and our friends and family can learn how to respond to us.  This will be one of my pursuits in 2015.   Another pursuit will be far more challenging.  I want white people in South Africa to stop apologising, to stop feeling oppressed and to start standing up to be counted as fully functioning members of the South African nation.   More than 40 years ago, Steve Biko said that "the most potent weapon of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed".  I can now say the same.    We will never be treated equal as long as we swallow the propaganda that Whites are the scum of Africa.   I would like to change that.  I would like to make a difference to the racism that is so rampant in our land.   How I am going to tackle either one of these two missions/pursuits still has to be worked out.  I do think though, that these two things may be the passion that is bigger than myself and will give me a reason to fight for life.

I am sitting here at my computer, typing this and thinking at the same time.  I ask myself what I would do if I could have just 48 illness-free hours.   I would tie a 20 metre Free Eugene de Kock banner across the freeway bridge at peak hour traffic.  I would put another banner across the Port Elizabeth Town Hall.  I would hold my grandchild and touch her for the first time.  I would walk on the beach and splash in the waves.  I would fly a kite from the Donkin.  I would change the linen, scrub the kitchen floor and bake a cake for my mom.  I would fill my bedroom with flowers and visit a bookshop.  I would go to Middelburg and look for all my children.  I would put the headstone on my father’s grave in Coffee Bay.  Perhaps 48 hours won’t be enough.   
  

2014 was a very challenging year.  When I say that from my heart it changes to 2014 was a very shit year.  I will be pleased to slam and bolt the door on this year and open the New Year tomorrow, filled with hope for a better future for us all. 

Thursday, October 16, 2014

We have a choice: Life or Death

My diet 
I am not living properly and I am not dying properly … I am hanging around in the middle somewhere with no deadline for either health or death.   

I have always said that hanging around in the passage is the most difficult thing when one door has closed and the other has not opened yet.   This ‘life-threatening’ passage is the most challenging one I have been in.  I can’t see the door that closed or if that same door is going to open again … and I can’t see where or when the new door will open.   The devil does not want me and God does not want a deputy.  

Money can’t buy health, but it sure as hell can give you a better chance at opening the health door.  A million bucks would give me a fighting chance of opening that door.   The sixty tablets in the second drawer next to my bed will open the other door.   

But for today, I choose to live.  One second at a time, then one minute at a time … and then tomorrow comes, and I will be glad I chose LIFE!

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

An Exercise in Futility: Saving Mandela's Children


Roselene 
PROTECTING THE INNOCENT AND DEFENDING THE RIGHT TO LIFE

My name is Roselene.   I died three days before I turned four months old.  My mother died of AIDS when I was four weeks old.   I was living with my maternal grandmother and father.  The police fetched my body and I was pronounced Dead on Arrival at the Hospital.  My vagina looks raw and sore and swollen, but maybe that is because I was neglected or maybe it was something else.   My granny was not at home when I got hurt.  My father was at home.  I did not die straight away.   I cried for a long time and blood was coming out my nose, mouth and ears.  My granny fed me a bottle to try and stop me crying and eventually I was quiet.   Very quiet and very still. 

My burial certificate says I died of AIDS on 25th August 2002.  

There is an AIDS activist in the township where I lived.   Her name is Dianne Lang.  She went around to try and find out how it was possible that I died of AIDS at four months but my face was swollen, bruised and covered in blood.   How can a post-mortem tell that I died of AIDS?   Even if blood tests were taken, it is impossible to have got the results back in such a short time, given where I live and where the nearest blood laboratory is.  She reported my strange cause of death to the Independent Complaints Directorate on the 27th August 2002.   On the same day, she received a phone call from the police, wanting a statement.   A statement was given to the SAPS about a week later and since then, despite numerous calls to various Superintendents, Captains, Commissioners and the ICD, nothing happened for almost two months.   Now we are waiting for a Magistrate to give an order to have my body exhumed for another post-mortem.

If it takes this long to sort out one death of one little baby girl, what hope do we have of the rescue of AIDS orphans whom are being used as prostitutes?

Are we so habituated to the AIDS and HIV situation in this country, that it no longer matters if a baby dies or just another mother dies of AIDS, even if the evidence is blatantly different to what we are being told. 

If we are pounded with enough data, enough input, then we can be convinced of almost anything.   People, young and old, smart or stupid, educated or not, have had their views and realities as well as their values altered by a relentless deluge of distorted data.   Is this what has happened to us in South Africa with regard to the AIDS problem?   If you are buying into all the misinformation of AIDS, then your world and values could be totally upside down and you may not even know it. 

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for almost anything!   Make a stand!

HIV and AIDS statistics mean nothing to anyone anymore.  Look at Roselene's face, and tell me again, that HIV/AIDS does not touch you in some way.

Roselene was murdered, allegedly by her father.   But does this make her father a murderer?   Imagine having a crying baby that is hungry, no money to buy food, no employment, the mother of the baby dead from AIDS, your mother-in-law an alcoholic and you, yourself, feeling ill because you are also HIV+ and the baby does not stop crying.  Imagine for a moment the stress that the father goes through when faced with this situation.

I investigated Roselene's death because it was the first blatantly obvious death caused not by AIDS, but by the circumstances that people find themselves in as a result of an AIDS death.  

Support groups for father's left with babies after the mother has died of AIDS, has to be investigated and some support in terms of physical, emotional and mental needs, must be made available to these fathers.   Women die faster from AIDS than do men and are four times more likely to become HIV+.   This means that fathers are being left with babies to take care of.   Most of those babies will test HIV positive by the time they are 18 months old, because there is no Nevirapine for the mother to child transmission prevention and there is no medication for the HIV positive mother, so she usually dies within four months of giving birth.

If you care, then make a stand.  Send me e-mails, send me donations of clothes, linen or money.   Volunteer to help me.  Volunteer to make a difference.   Help me to make clothes for the old dolls so that we can give them to the orphans for Xmas.   Make teddies so I can give them to our abused kids.  Find something that you no longer want – we need whatever we can get.   Give me one tin of food a month.   Feed a child for R50,00 a month.   Accept the people around you, love them with all your heart, because tomorrow they might not be there.   There are more HIV positive people than you know.  They are your family, your neighbors, your co-workers, and the girl behind the desk or the one behind the till at the supermarket.   Unless you have gone for a test and tested negative, the chances are that you are positive.   Start with your family.   Talk to them about HIV, hug them and love them.   They are not immune to HIV and nor are you.  Find out the truth about HIV/AIDS.   Make it your business to make a stand.   PLEASE !!!!   
Thank you for taking the time to read this.  You don't have to be an AIDS ACTIVIST to be an AIDS ANGEL.  


Just one of the stories in Saving Mandela's Children - also available at a reasonable price on Kindle. 

Operation Dynamite - Nothing will be hidden

"Can you tell me how the money between you and the trust works?" asked Manual.

          "I don't think I am going to answer any of your questions because your Advocate Cilliers told me that you could use the answers against me and I don't want to talk about anything now because whatever I say may be misconstrued so if you don't mind, I will not answer any of your questions," I said. 

Just then I was interrupted by a call from Stuart.   "Guess what, these fucking bastards have forgotten their equipment here at the office. They brought me back and left.  All their equipment to take copies from the computer are lying here.  What a fucking bunch of pricks!"
 
          "Well, they are still here trying to take copies from the computers but they struggling.  Are you OK?" I asked.

          "Ja, I'm fine...just fucking angry.  They think they can do as they fucking please... driving at 180km an hour...no regard for the speed limit...fucking cunts.  They digging a hole they going to fall into themselves and this is all because of that fucking Jenner." 

Stuart was ranting and raving and swearing non-stop, not that I blamed him.   I realized that the reason why they could not get what they wanted from the computers is because they had left some of their equipment behind at Stuart's office.   I told Manual that they had forgotten something at Stuart's office and after he spoke to the computer investigator, he called someone to go and collect their equipment at Stuart’s office.
  
          "Are these all your computers?" Manual asked. 

          "No, we have one in for repairs."

          "Tell them to bring the computer back." 

I did as I was asked and phoned Gary to bring the computer.  He brought it back immediately.  Gary was asked for advice about how to copy from a hard drive without corrupting the files.  He told the computer investigator how to do it.  He left the computer, which the Scorpions subsequently seized.

          "This is taking too much time.  We will just take your computers and return them when we are finished with them."  
 
          "No, you can't do that.  We cannot run the children's home without the computers so you must take what you want from them and leave them with us," I said.  
The missing Scorpion equipment duly arrived and eventually they had what they wanted, leaving us with computers that we could not work on because all the files had been corrupted by them.  Sometime in the afternoon, all the Scorpions left.  Manual promised me that the matter would be dealt with and the documents and equipment that they had seized would be returned to us before February. 
           

It was the 6th December 2006. 


A page from the book, Operation Dynamite, that I am writing.