The Alien Thing Surrounding My Spirit
I don’t
belong in my body anymore. It is an
alien thing that carries the core of me around.
It does not fit; it is uncomfortable and is almost manikin-like in its
oddness. My body and movement is no
longer a reflection of who I am inside.
There are two punishments in life that are incredibly cruel. One is to isolate a person from love and
society and the other is to live with an incurable, rare and debilitating
disease. I have experienced both. My
body that is the vessel that holds my soul is crumbling and dying infinitely
slowly. My spirit can still soar like an
eagle through the sky, with a gentle breeze pushing it along so that my soul
flies unimpeded and on gentle wings. Is
this my punishment for mistakes in my past?
Does this physical suffering have a purpose other than to make me more
aware of the suffering of others? It
takes enormous effort not to allow my body to impede my spirit. Sometimes I just get lost. Sometimes I feel like I am trying to empty
the ocean with a bucket and all attempts to heal this body are in vain. I am not my body. I am spirit but I am also imprisoned in this
human shell.
Will my
body and my spirit be forever separated here on earth? Will I not be able to physically do the
things I long to do? May the Maker of us
all give me the strength to endure. I am now a living, breathing, and mirror
image of a TellyTubby grandmother.
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