Saturday, January 2, 2016

I Will Run

Lost like tears in the rain
I am lost.   Who am I and why am I here?  The same questions asked over thousands of years and yet, each one of us at some time or another will ask those same questions.  I have had an awful day so far, a day when I felt lost like tears in the rain, not knowing if there is any reason for being.  Today was the day I had set aside to kill myself.  I had decided that if I could not get any medication to control my pain, I would allow my spirit to leave this earth today.
Three weeks ago I was prescribed the medication – an injection every 6 hours which gives me 4 hours of pain relief and only 2 hours of despair – and that goes on day after day.  Four hours without pain is a gift that is indescribable to someone who has not had chronic and debilitating pain. 
Do I run away from or do I run to life?  And as though I hear the voice of God speaking directly to me I know which way to go.

I will run for my life and I will run towards helping my fellowmen.  I will forever run towards those who can't run, who can't speak, who can't choose ... I will run.  I will run to defend others, but I will run to defend myself and the truth at all or any cost.  I will run. 

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