”I’m not OK … you’re not OK, but that is OK”.
How fragile is the happiness we cultivate inside ourselves! One bit of news, one bad situation, one thing happening in the outside world that upsets our equilibrium and our happiness starts to leak out from our hearts. It is hard work to put that negative thought, that bad news or that sad outside event behind us and to hold onto that happiness. It is hard work to keep it from leaking out.
This was brought home to me with unbelievable clarity yesterday. I was happy, I had the walls shored up and all the leaks of my heart plugged to keep that happiness inside of me. Then I got the news that a fellow traveller on the cancer canoe got too tired of the fight. I got all shook up inside. Not only was I sad that she is no longer with us, but I got scared and started to wonder if this happiness I feel, this strength of spirit I feel is not just a defence mechanism. I wondered whether I was just kidding myself or walking around in a state of denial. So, much thought had to again go into who I really am and what I really feel. It seems that knowing who we are and what we are and how we feel is an ongoing process and there will be no destination, no one place to get to where we can say, “I have arrived”. We will always be in a state of being, a state of flexibility and movement and perhaps that is what really being alive is all about: knowing in every moment who and what we are and how we feel. Emotion is after all, just Energy in Motion so it is normal for how we feel to be in constant flux. As long as we take the middle road, we should be OK. That makes me smile because I remember Elizabeth Kubler-Ross saying…”I’m not OK … you’re not OK, but that is OK”.
While the bad news put me back a few steps, I also realize that I have gone forward in leaps and bounds in other areas of my life. I used to take a lot of things personally and I determined some time ago to stop doing that and to realize that when people are nasty or grumpy towards me, it is not my fault or even my business, but their problem. Yesterday I was driving with my mother to town and for some reason, I stalled my car at the robots. It took all of 10 seconds to re-start the vehicle and take the turn to the right. However, there was a man in a 4 x 4 who was stopped at the robots and he got so annoyed with me that he started shouting and pulling a sign at me. Without any thought and without any emotion, I smiled at him and blew him a kiss. The look on his face said it all. Complete and utter shock and puzzlement. He obviously expected me to shout back at him and when my response was so unexpected, he did not know how to react. I am really proud of myself for not taking his anger personally and for blowing him that kiss without even having to think about it. That means that I have started to internalize my desire to not take anything personally. It is all very well talking about something, but that little incident showed me that I am walking my talking. If we do what we have always done, we will always get what we have always got.
This was brought home to me with unbelievable clarity yesterday. I was happy, I had the walls shored up and all the leaks of my heart plugged to keep that happiness inside of me. Then I got the news that a fellow traveller on the cancer canoe got too tired of the fight. I got all shook up inside. Not only was I sad that she is no longer with us, but I got scared and started to wonder if this happiness I feel, this strength of spirit I feel is not just a defence mechanism. I wondered whether I was just kidding myself or walking around in a state of denial. So, much thought had to again go into who I really am and what I really feel. It seems that knowing who we are and what we are and how we feel is an ongoing process and there will be no destination, no one place to get to where we can say, “I have arrived”. We will always be in a state of being, a state of flexibility and movement and perhaps that is what really being alive is all about: knowing in every moment who and what we are and how we feel. Emotion is after all, just Energy in Motion so it is normal for how we feel to be in constant flux. As long as we take the middle road, we should be OK. That makes me smile because I remember Elizabeth Kubler-Ross saying…”I’m not OK … you’re not OK, but that is OK”.
While the bad news put me back a few steps, I also realize that I have gone forward in leaps and bounds in other areas of my life. I used to take a lot of things personally and I determined some time ago to stop doing that and to realize that when people are nasty or grumpy towards me, it is not my fault or even my business, but their problem. Yesterday I was driving with my mother to town and for some reason, I stalled my car at the robots. It took all of 10 seconds to re-start the vehicle and take the turn to the right. However, there was a man in a 4 x 4 who was stopped at the robots and he got so annoyed with me that he started shouting and pulling a sign at me. Without any thought and without any emotion, I smiled at him and blew him a kiss. The look on his face said it all. Complete and utter shock and puzzlement. He obviously expected me to shout back at him and when my response was so unexpected, he did not know how to react. I am really proud of myself for not taking his anger personally and for blowing him that kiss without even having to think about it. That means that I have started to internalize my desire to not take anything personally. It is all very well talking about something, but that little incident showed me that I am walking my talking. If we do what we have always done, we will always get what we have always got.
You want to change something…change your response.
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