Monday, January 26, 2015

You have to be brave to call my mother old!

My mother, at 81, was at her yoga class when she said, “I have heard nothing from the Neighbourhood Watch. They had their meeting last week, but not a word from them”.

“Did you put your name down to help?” asked one of the ladies.

“Yes, but only for when they were short of someone to go on duty”, she replied.

“Well, I heard that they were not going to take you because you are too old”, piped up another of the yoga ladies.

“If you think I am too old, you can piss off! And if they think I am too old they can piss off too! See if I give a shit what goes on in the neighbourhood now. The whole neighbourhood can piss off! I will look after only what is in my own yard”, my mother fumed.

With that said, my mother furiously stomped her way back home. By the time she got there, there was already a message from the secretary of the Neighbourhood Watch on her house phone, apologising that they did not mean to say that she was too old to help. Needless to say, my darling mother refused to call back. When she phoned me with this news, she told me that the secretary and the entire neighbourhood could fuck off and if the neighbourhood was in trouble she would not lift a hand because they considered her “too old”.

The next day, around 7am, the chairperson of the Neighbourhood Watch was banging on the door. With many apologies he tried to calm the situation down.

“Now you listen to me!” she said angrily, “I can do a hell of a lot more than most 50 year olds”.

“We do need you. Please don’t get upset”, she was told.

That afternoon she got a call to say that she would be on duty once a week from midnight to 2 am.

She managed perfectly well with her team mate and the search light. In her two hour stint, they were called out twice and worked together with the police four times. She, at her age, is probably more experienced at working for Neighbourhood Watch than any of the younger crowd. She has been a police reservist, is a paramedic, can shoot a bull’s eye at 100 meters, can ride a 750 Honda bike and is qualified to do helicopter rescues at sea. Age should not be counted in years, but by the willingness and ability to give assistance to humanity. Don't ever call my mother old. She may just tell you to "fuck off!"