Tuesday, August 28, 2012

One Of The Happiest Places I Have Lived

One of the happiest places I have lived 








I love writing, so whether I am writing to friends, busy with a book or just putting my thoughts down on paper … I am in my element.  I have always wanted to be able to be just a writer when I am wealthy enough to only write, since it is seldom that anyone makes money with writing. Thousands and thousands of books are written every month all over the world and perhaps one or two may get into the top 100 books and begin to make some money.  As yet, I am just one of the hundreds of thousands of people just writing for the love of it.
Over the past two weeks I have had enormous health challenges, some of the days which are just a blur in my memory, and some of the days are just gone.  But what I have missed is writing.  I have wondered why the world seems to be conspiring against me in my absolute desire to write.  First my computer is stolen with the external hard drive that had saved a book in its final edit (I could have cried but decided there must be some reason I am yet to understand why it has gone).  Then I had a borrowed computer until the insurance eventually paid out but instead of a laptop, I now have a desktop (cheaper and less likely to be stolen).  After the myriad things one has to do to get back up and running on internet as well as locating all the necessary software, I was ready to go.  Still I could not get to my keyboard.
My human serum transplants which I have every two weeks in Cape Town takes up a lot of time and since my last blog/letter/article I have been in hospital three times with various complications.   I am certainly giving a new meaning to the words “as sick as a dog”.  There was one point during this time that I actually asked God to please take me because I could no longer cope with feeling so ill.  Well, needless to say, He said, “NAF, I don’t want you here trying to tell me how to do my job”, so here I am, still breathing, dreaming and being.   AND best of all, actually writing again.
Oh, of course there have been the usual things that we also have to deal with as a community.  No water for a few days because the water pipes from the dams broke due to too much rain and then the sub-station blew up so we had no electricity either for a few days.  A lot of people were complaining about it, but since I felt so awful I had absolutely no sympathy for them.  All I could say was “Well, you live in Africa.  Build a bridge and get over it”.  There are many things one can do.  Candles can give you light; a primus stove with paraffin is cheap so you can make a meal.  You can go collect water or use buckets outside (it is raining enough) and fill your bath to use to flush the loo when it is brown.  When it is yellow, you just let it mellow.  I cannot understand why people get so hit up about such small issues.  Even the burglary did not upset me that much since I figured that given the crime statistics … I had been quite lucky not to have been burgled more often.  What I am rather mad about is that they stole my computer – if I had been here I would have helped them put the two televisions in their vehicle and helped them load everything they wanted, but I would have asked them to leave my fucking computer alone.  
And of course, the thief having my gun (with the bloody safe) also makes me mad.  I received a phone call from the police a few days after the burglary that went very much like this:
“How many magazines were there in the safe when your gun was stolen?”
“None”.
“How?  Thees cannot be”
“There were no magazines with the gun”
“Why not?”
“Because it was a revolver”
“Ow, zen how many bullets?”
“About 25 in the box and 5 in the chamber”
“Where is the sixth bullet then?”
“The chamber only takes 5 bullets” …. And so it is with the weapons crime unit.   Agh, this is Africa!!  You got to love it and have patience or you end up with high blood pressure and a stroke.  A sense of humour is a prerogative if you live in Africa.
I have been up since two this morning.   I was so nauseous which is one of the nastier sides of being ill.  I took some anti-nausea meds, some pain killers, and came to do something productive instead of lying there in that bed feeling sorry for myself.  I can always choose how I want to react (well, almost always) to not feeling well.  And … I have seen the most amazing sunrise this morning.  The nausea has abated, whether due to the meds or due to the fact that I am occupied with doing something I love to do … who cares?  Had I not woken with that nausea, I would not have had the privilege of seeing this beautiful sunrise this morning.  I wish I had the ability to convey to you in words the brilliance of this rising sun – the radiance of this enormous round disc floating in the sky, just under a dark blue patch of sky with fluffy white clouds scurrying across the front of the sun every now and again.  But alas, my ability to describe scenery is quite dismal.  People I can describe, but nature has me buggered.
Having spent so much time in bed lately, I have been doing my other favourite thing … reading.  My reading has some kind of link to it because I go from doing research on Eugene de Kock, to the apartheid era and the politics and dramas of that time, those people who had the power to those who tried to get freedom, from there to communism and the rise and fall of it in Russia … from there to comparing what is going on here politically with what went and still continues to happen in post-communist countries … the similarities are striking.  One day I think I may just do a thesis on what huge social movements can achieve and how they can also destroy the individuals who live within these states.  That should keep me busy for a long time so I won’t be able to die before I have completed that task.
I have very few things on my bucket list … one of them is that I wanted to have dreadlocks. Yesterday I sat for hours in a very comfortable recliner in my own bedroom while I was transformed into a Raggedy Ann – African style.   I absolutely love it but I know that there will be many people who will think I am crazy.  They will be right of course.  And again, I don’t care what they think.
If I did not lift your spirits with this communication, I hope I at least made you smile.   Life is so short, let us live each moment and become more aware of the very breath we breathe.  Thank you for letting me talk to you today.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Only Thing I Am Certain Of...Is my Ignorance

I think that I am thinking that I know nothing!!!
The value of philosophy should never be underestimated.  Philosophers are involved in discovering every avenue of thought.   It should therefore not be surprising that I write about so many different subjects or why I cannot be labelled and put into any one particular category of person.   It should also not surprise anyone that some of our/my conclusions should be found unacceptable in some way or another.    There are often questions that come up where none of the suggested answers are acceptable to most.
The reason that most philosophers (thinkers) have problems with agreeing not only with one another, but with the public in general,  is because of the nature of the subject (all thought), and also because they constantly challenge traditions and ideas in order to generate  new perspectives on things.  

In science, most people agree not only on the assumptions, but also on the questions based on those assumptions as well as on the use of certain concepts within that discipline.    But even with wide-spread agreement on the subject, the philosopher is still of extreme importance.  How would we know what to do with scientific discoveries without first thinking about what kind of society we want to live in and what responsibilities we owe each other, our children and the environment?
Another merit of the work/thinking of philosophers is the logical way in which they argue their stance, at least showing us what NOT to believe or accept as truth.   (Yes, there are rules that must be applied when using thought to reach a conclusion).   For example, we cannot say that all swans are white because only one black swan will negate that statement.  However, we can say that all men who have been unmarried are bachelors.  This is an undisputed truth. Logic is the most important concept in philosophy.  If something is stated that is not logical, then the philosopher is nothing but a fool. 

The history of social, political, scientific, religious and technological change is bound up in the history of thought.   Various philosophers have made these changes possible.   Without the logician Frege, the information age would not have been possible.  Female suffrage was taken seriously after Wollstonecraft.   Newton relied on Aristotle and Einstein on Newton for their great discoveries. 
While most people associate the USSR on Karl Marx’s philosophy on communism, many do not know that the superpower of the USA was born of the philosophical writings of Tom Paine.  

I have often stated that thinking is the real business of life.   It is not the province of specialists in philosophy, but it is intrinsically part of how a person navigates thought life.   If we all argued, using the rules of the philosopher, we would have a far more mature society to live in.  The first rule is to play the ball and not the man.   By playing the game of life in this way, nothing would be taken personally and we would have to think before we open our mouths to cause hurt and harm to another.   Real thinking should add value to society.
Anyway, this is just my opinion.  It is the reason behind why I try to put myself in another man’s shoes, why I do so much reading and research, and why I shut my mouth until I am sure that I am not talking shit.  It is a constant struggle for the only thing that I really know, is that I know very little about anything. 

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Forgiveness, me and Eugene de Kock

Every activity first starts with a thought. This blog started with a thought that was provoked by a few comments about forgiveness on the Free Eugene de Kock Group on Facebook. 

I have struggled with the concept of forgiveness for years. From philosophers to psychologists, from religious leaders to scientists … I have spoken to them all and discussed the concept of forgiving and forgetting and moving on from the past. 

I adamantly believed that it was impossible to forgive without the abuser apologising for his or her behaviour. How can you forgive someone for doing a bad deed to you if they think they were justified in what they did? That was my dilemma. And I fought all these people about it. I just would not listen to their reasoning. I suppose, it is a case of “Die wat wil nie hoor nie, moet voel”. I ’voeled’ and I learned. 

Of course, I always knew that we cannot forget the hurts done to us, no matter how saintly we are, no matter how many times we turn the other cheek, no matter how forgiving we are … only a fool will forget what has hurt him. Surely you will not pet the dog that bit you a second and a third time, just to be bitten again. Surely you would remember not to go near him again? 

Now that I have spent the good part of 30 years thinking about forgiveness, I change my mind about the concept. While I thought that forgiveness could only happen when the trespasser asked forgiveness, I now know differently. I have learned this through having to deal with the issue of forgiving others, over and over again, ’voeling’ the lesson time and time again. 

I have learned that it is possible to forgive another even if they continue to believe that their behaviour was right and justified. 

Without going into personal details, this is how I have learned to forgive. Forgiving someone else is very difficult, especially if you have been deeply betrayed, abandoned and hurt (and no, I am not talking just about a partner doing this to you). We find that we are shocked by the other person’s or people’s behaviour because you think to yourself, “How could you do that to me? I would never do that to you”. Most of us live by the rule of ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. So we are shocked when someone treats us badly. And that shock forms part of the negative emotion that you carry with you … part of the anger at the person/people who have wronged or betrayed you. 

I have learned that a negative emotion is far stronger than a positive one. A negative emotion about a person ties you to that person more strongly than love. Far better to have no feeling at all about a person than to have a negative emotion. Having no emotional attachment to someone frees you of that person. 

If we feel nothing, that person has absolutely no power over us. But if we carry negative emotions, then we lose our power and give it all away to the one who hurt us. 

The resentment that we hold over another binds us to them with ties far stronger than steel ropes. Not only are we caught in the web of negativity but the other person is free! They will most likely not even realize what they have done and if they do, they will find ways of justifying their bad behaviour towards us. So, while we feel resentful, angry and hurt, we are the only ones who are being affected, because the abuser/trespasser is not affected at all. He has moved on with his life and we are stuck to him in the past. 

Whether the situation happened 6 years ago or 6 million years ago, or six months ago, that event is no further away from you today, than yesterday. We live our emotions in the moment. That includes all the accumulated hurt and anger from long ago. We remain prisoners of the very people who have hurt us because we can’t let go of the negative emotion. 

Forgiveness has never been about the other person or persons. It has been all about me. I am the one who is freed by forgiving those people. 

The fastest way I have found to forgive someone is to realize that they do not know that they are doing wrong, (they know not what they do). If someone does not know that they are doing something wrong, then how can we be angry with them. They are merely fools. And since we are all at different levels of spiritual awareness, we need to see that others are behind us and there will always be others that are ahead of us. So why be bogged down by those people who are not as spiritually advanced as you? My grandmother used to tell never to lower myself to someone else’s level, but to lift them up to mine. That is kind of what this is about … looking at those who are spiritually more advanced than us and trying to emulate them and not lowering ourselves to the level of revenge, anger, resentment, bitterness, and negativity. 

Now I know this is frivolous, but this helps me to move past hurtful people. I have a few sayings that I repeat quietly to myself when confronted with a fool who knows no better. These are a few of them: 

You can expect nothing from a pig but a grunt.

A baboon cannot see it’s own backside.

If you mix with dogs you will pick up fleas.

Your spirit will soar like an eagle only if you don’t try to fly with turkeys. 

You are a prisoner when you do not forgive. You are locked by the chains of the past. Forgiveness is the most important gift you can give yourself. Forgiveness dissolves the links of the chain that bind you and sets you free. There is no future in the past. 

Forgiveness is a creative act. It changes us. It is a commitment to a process of change and growth for ourselves. To have the courage to forgive (for it takes courage) is to expand your life, to open it up to endless possibilities which are only possible if you are freed from the past. Ghandi said that “the weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attitude of the strong.” 

Forgiveness is the recognition of the humanness in your enemy, even while understanding that we may be poles apart on a spiritual and emotional level. 

No walls can imprison a spirit - our bodies can be imprisoned in jails, or imprisoned by ill health, but our spirits can soar on the wings of freedom. Forgiveness is the single most important process that brings peace and harmony to your own heart and soul. It forces you to grow beyond that which you were. 

I am free at last. I am free of my past because I have forgiven them all. My enemies have no power over me. 

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Read the book .... know the truth .....

SAVING MANDELA'S CHILDREN: The true story of South Africa's unwanted children is available from the publisher, http://www.authorhouse.co.uk/  or from http://www.diannelang.com/ or from http://www.amazon.com/

No names have been changed to protect those involved .............

REVIEWS:

I have never read a book like this in my life. It felt as if I were experiencing what was happening myself. You have inspired me to do something worthwhile with my life. Thank you. Reader.
I am not an emotional person but your book put me on a roller coaster of emotions and now I look at the world with different eyes. Reader.
I now have your book. I started reading and couldn’t put it down. Well done. Reader.
I am really enjoying reading your book - though it was hard at first.I'm not sure that enjoying is the word!Some of it is pretty gruelling.I'll make sure it is passed around and will treat a few people for Xmas.I am making myself get on and read it so I can pass it on. Reader.
I am having a a great time here, I read the book Dianne. I needed some time to recover from that. Very impressed of what and how you have achieved it!!! Volunteer.


I've finished reading your book last night and my mom got her copy last week :) How you do what you do??? I seriously do not know...I would've gone mad ages ago and ran away. You're amazing! Human Rights Lawyer.

I'm reading your book - not yet half way.
Oh, what a sad story. It wrings the heart. Your love and battle for the children's welfare shines through. Activist.


I did receive the book yesterday...have started last night and could not put it down...It is exactly as it happened..am already at page 254. You have done a great job.


I was truly inspired by your story and all that you have done and are doing for the children in your home. You have given up so much, been through the most horrific experiences and sacrificed so much for them. If only more people in the world could be like to you. You have made the world a better place for those children and brought some light and love into their lives.
I am enjoying the book. It is so powerful I can’t put it down. Reader.

I am excited that the book has been released, Di I do hope that I will beable to get an autographed copy as I brag about you, the sales of the yourlast book and how lucky I am to know you. Friend.
Just wanted to let you know that I received your book this afternoon and I am nearly half-way through it - I can't put it down! I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face and yet I can't stop reading. I must be so naive because I just had no idea what those kids had been through when I was in Middelburg. I so wish to be back there and give them all my love and hugs. And you too - words cannot convey the admiration and respect I have for you. It is utterly amazing what you are doing, if only there were more people in the world like you. I really hope this book reaches a wide audience, I can feel your pain and frustration and wish there was something I could do to help. Karen : UK Volunteer

Amazing! i really hope I can source this book and read it, it seems as soon as one gets out of the country, things really can be said as they should!
Good luck in selling millions so the truth can be heard, and I truly admire you for your honest approach and your guts to get the job done ! SA Woman of the Year Award Winner


I am impressed and very moved by your account Ian Francis: Blackwell Publishing


The unfeasible lack of government support is something that needs to be brought to the attention of a wider section of the world’s press. Jack Fogg: Fifth Estate


This is a terribly disturbing account of the abuse of children’s rights in South Africa: Rukshana Yasmin: Telegram Books


I've started reading your book and am loving it...just engrossed. Ruth Williams: Human Rights Lawyer

A very big congratulations to Dianne!! I'm so glad that Di had finally completed a book on rough patches in her and the children’s lives down in the Cape. Thank you so much. I feel very much honoured to be informed about the new release and I know its an interesting book. Already having a lump coz I have an idea of what's in there given her not so good experiences - Head of Social Welfare Department, Fort Hare University.
Please forward me Di's numbers. I wanna personally talk to her about the book. She means a lot to me and the community she serves for a blind government. Warm Regards, Viwe Ex-SABC Program Producer
Just wanted to let you know I finished the book on Saturday and loved it. I really hope that you manage to sell lots and lots of copies - everyone needs to hear the truth about this!! Reader.


This is absolutely wonderful news. I will be sure to obtain one of the books and read it from cover to cover. I am so proud to be called an acquaintance. Children’s Home Supporter.


Archbishop Desmond Tutu thanks you for sending him a copy of your book 'Saving Mandela's Children'.

He wishes you well in your efforts to help our children.

Yours Sincerely
Ayanda Bala Diego
Office of Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Mpilo Tutu


I am having a a great time here, I read the book Dianne.. I needed some time to recover from that..
Very impressed of what and how you have achieved it!!! I wanted to mail you earlier but it just didn't happen... sorry. Volunteer.