Saturday, August 13, 2016

The New Dianne matters more than Five Thousand Rand

The new Dianne with prosthetic boobs

Today, together with a friend, I went out and got myself a pair of tits. They are rubbery/latex type prosthesis that you stick in a bra. But since my scars are so bad, I cannot just wear any bra. It has to have soft smooth sides, no under wires and be more like a soft vest with some bumps in the right places. I have had a double mastectomy (nice words for amputating breasts) and have opted not to have re-constructive surgery. I spend too much time in hospitals and re-constructive surgery is only putting me more at risk of infection.

I have not bothered too much about having no boobs. Once I accepted the fact that I had no nipples (believe me that I fought to retain them as I had grown used to them; and I even asked the surgeon if he could not just fashion a set of nipples from my earlobes. They are also sensitive places on the body and it kind of made sense except the surgeon dropped his glasses at the request).

Nobody speaks to you about having no boobs. It is a taboo subject and even if I mention it, the subject is changed very quickly. But I do have a problem with how I look when I dress. I have tried wearing the blouses with gathers above the nipple area, but I still look like a flat chested hippie child (by the way … that’s my new me).

My friend suggested we try a shop called Body Fashions in Port Elizabeth so off we went and had an amazing experience with the two ladies, Maria and Isobella. They were so down to earth, had seen it all and they made the experience one of joy. I walked out with a pair of boobs and a R5000 debt. It was only for a few seconds that I weighed up the cost (R5g) and the cost of my life and then I thought” Fuck it!! This is my life and my life is worth much more than five thousand rand. Sure, I am going to worry about owing that money but I am sitting here smiling, feeling beautiful, continually touching these prostheses on my chest that feel like real boobs and thinking that the R5000 is Monday’s worry. I have no doubt that I will have the money to pay for these boobs. Miracles happen to me all the time. I proudly walked into the home and showed off my boobs to Patrick. His only reaction was “R5000? It did not matter to me that you had no boobs”. Well, it mattered to me and this is the new Dianne. I also matter.