The problem of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not
something that happens as a single event with an honest apology or
acknowledgement of the wrongdoing. Forgiveness is an on-going process, because
every time you think of that person, you have to forgive again, every time
music or a smell or sound reminds you ... you have to forgive again. Without
the culprit acknowledging the wrong-doing, he continues to see you as a
worthless person. He needs to acknowledge the part he played in the hurt he
created. By doing that, he is then able to give the victim back his or her
self-worth as part of the human race.
And only then can the forgiving begin.
Perhaps the "forgive 7 x 70" from the good book talks about just this
... that forgiveness for the same hurt takes 490 times before it comes to an
end. I don't know if that made sense to you, but it has just made perfect sense
to me!! I get so pissed off when I am told to forgive and forget. I would be
most stupid to forgive and forget so that I can put myself in the same
situation again. For me ... it is a sincere apology first and then the process
of forgiveness can begin.
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